i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
