you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
