thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
