so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
