wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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