Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
