I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
