I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
