he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
