My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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