A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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