It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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