My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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