I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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