i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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