I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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