You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Randomize
