yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Randomize
