Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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