watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
