When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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