Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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