Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Randomize
