I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
