Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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