anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
