Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
nutella sex= disaster
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
