I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
