Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
