The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
