A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
