my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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