dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
How does one acquire holy water?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
