i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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