Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Randomize
