Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
