ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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