easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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