shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
