Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
