So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
