i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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