You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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