I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
