Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
