i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
