i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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