dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
zippers are such a cool invention
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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