yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
