i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
