pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
There's even glitter on my cock...
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